Wednesday, August 21, 2013

"Blue Balls are the New Black: Edging 101"

I'm honored to have been interviewed for, and quoted in, this great new article on Edging by Hannah Miet (@hannahmiet):

Here are a couple of quick links for the readers who found their way here from

- My Blog Posts on Edging (including the Rules for a couple of Edging Games): Written Assignment Reports from some of my boys and gurls referring to Edging:

A lot of the assignments also include crossdressing, written punishments and other kink. Scroll down on the page for some of the reports from the more intense Edging Games.

- The published version of my Beltane Assignment specifically includes Edging, along with Penis Decoration, which is why it is referenced in certain posts. Here are some of the assignment reports:

I am very happy that she choose to quote my beliefs and philosophy behind Cock Control and my use of Edging instead of just focusing on the kinky stuff. For your reading pleasure, here is more of what I sent her in the email interview:

Q: In your perspective, what is the ultimate goal of edging?

A:  There are several different possible goals for edging, but ultimately I think they all come down to better utilizing sexual energy and heightening sensual and sexual pleasure. 

Edging is a way of training a man find his own "point of no return" (which is actually more like a cliff) and then learn to ride, or at least repeated get close to, the edge of it without going over. In doing so, he gains more control over his own body, and becomes a better lover, both for himself and for his partner(s). Edging while masturbating alone can help him focus on learning to listen to his body's messages telling him when he is getting close and needs to slow down without all the other input of being with another person. Then it can be translated into his lovemaking with a partner. In addition, it steps up his own masturbation sessions from a mundane routine to a deeply intense experience, simply by taking the time to really experience his own reactions and really feel them, edging several times, with or without a release.

I  have studied Tantric, Taoist and Magickal sexual beliefs and practices, and agree that a man usually loses energy (basically chi) when he comes. As a dominant woman, I also believe that a man's penis and his orgasm are ultimately for the pleasure of his partner, and they should be devoted to her (or him) whenever possible, whether physically, energetically or both. Too many men get into the routine habit of a few yanks and they are done. Likewise, they do this without any meaning or value. They waste tons of energy that could be put into deepening their own sexual experiences, pleasuring their partner(s), building a deeper relationship, helping around the house or even doing better in their careers. Edging builds this energy before releasing it, deepening the sexual experience and/or allowing it to be better channeled toward their partner or themselves. 

When I am playing with any long distance boy, I start training him to ingest his own cum, which is a way of reabsorbing the physical aspect of this energy rather than wasting it. Likewise, I have boys learn to thank me for their orgasms, and those who become mine may even say a special mantra devoting themselves to me as they masturbate, thereby sending me their unused energy, and building our connection. A lot of men don't realize that when they fantasize about someone or something when they cum, that that is where they are sending their energy. I do feel that energy does need to be allowed to flow and that orgasms are important for physical, mental and spiritual health, however, I believe in valuing them by waiting until a time when you can intentionally share or devote them with meaning to someone or something that is important to you. Therefore, I believe in short term chastity of days or weeks, but not long term chastity of many months or years. Edging is a way of building the energy, rather than letting it stagnate, until the right time.

Q: Can you tell me a little bit about #chastitystatus?

A: #ChastityStatus is a Twitter hashtag for males to use in reporting how many days they have gone without having an orgasm. Whether they touch or not, edge or not, have other sexual experiences or not, is up to them or their owner/partner/lover/Mistress/Master. They do not have to be locked in a chastity device, but many of those who tweet do wear devices. It is a method of support for those who are trying to save their sexual energy until an appropriate time for release, and it is a way for the male and/or his owner/partner/ lover/Mistress/Master to easily track his status.  Day 0 is the day that the orgasm occurs. Day 1 is the next day, and so on. 

Q: Can you explain how you use edging with "online only" boys and girls?

A: I use edging to teach my boys control, to heighten their own sexual experiences, as well as my own, and to exert my long-distance control over them. As a Domme, I love doing something and watching, hearing or reading about the reaction that I have caused. Knowing that I make a man hard shows my effect on him, knowing that he is yearning to touch but isn't because of he is not allowed shows my control, and having him stop so close, without doing the one thing every impulse in his body wants to do, shows the depth of it. Contrary to what some might imagine based on cultural pre-conceptions, I am a sensualist, not a sadist, and the edges that I like to push are with intensity and control, not pain. 

(Everyone that I play with is genetically male, primarily because I myself am straight. I do love the contrast of dressing up a hard man in softly, feminine lingerie, and delight in pantyboys. With my CD/TV/TS sisters, the closer they are to transformation, the more the play becomes less sexual and more about pretty clothes, makeup and cuddling. Often the gurls don't edge, unless it is by rubbing through panties or against pillows, because taking a cock in hand is such a masculine experience.)  

I practice something that I call Cock Control with my boys and gurls. This means not only controlling whether, when and how they can engage in any gratuitous touching (including when and how many times/for how long they are allowed to edge), and when they can cum, but also having them wear cock rings, chastity devices and/or panties for my pleasure, whether it be in the visual presentation or in the shared secret that they are wearing them for me. 

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