Boys Need to Think on Their Feet & Anticipate Their Mistresses' Needs

Your job, as a sub, is to make your Mistress' life easier and more pleasurable. This doesn't have to be difficult, and you should get better at it as you get to know your Mistress, what she likes and how she likes it.

Something happened recently with a boy which I still don't quite understand. I assumed that any male, submissive or not, would know what to do and proceed to do it. Yes, I did assume rather than give specific orders, but this is one of those areas where it's just the normal thing to do, so you shouldn't need orders - or so I thought. I've debated over posting this because part of it is venting, but I've decided that it would also be a good lesson for anyone else who also needs a clue.

In this case, it was a sub who I had spent time with several years ago, but who didn't work out. He had contacted me, saying that his attitude had changed - that he had learned to focus on pleasing his Goddess rather than on himself - and wanted to try again. I wasn't so sure, but after some consideration I decided that it wouldn't hurt to at least meet as there were some aspects of him that I had enjoyed.

Said sub promised me a nice dinner as soon as he was able to do so, and knew that I wanted to go to a favorite steak place because I was craving their prime rib. Because of his work schedule and the distance between us, he said that he could only do dinner on the weekend. That was more than fine, however, it meant that we were going to this yummy steak restaurant, located in the plaza area attached to a large shopping mall, on one of the busiest nights of the week. This mall doesn't have a parking deck, and I knew parking might take a while and require a bit of a walk, as well as the wait at the restaurant itself. I confirmed that he knew where it was located, and then I called to confirm that they had the prime rib that night, and made reservations. After thinking about it, I also called to check on another restaurant, located only a couple doors away, that I also love. I was craving the second place's frozen, fruity drinks, and with the summer heat, I was considering whether I might prefer their lighter fare, but they were not taking reservations.

As it was nearing time for dinner, I realized that I was running late getting in the shower. I called and left him voice mail saying that I was going to be 15 minutes late - maybe more like 30 with parking. I knew he was already on his way, but assumed that he would use the time to find a good parking space and start making his way to the steak place to check on the seating situation. I didn't mention the other restaurant yet, as I felt it would be too complicated, and was still trying to decide which place I really wanted to eat... part of it really depended on the wait at the second place. I fully expected that he would be in, or near, the plaza by the time I got out of the shower. I have sent boys ahead to get a seat at a restaurant before. This time I was sincerely running late, but planned to call him, get a report and tell him what I wanted him to do from there.

He left me voicemail while I was in the shower saying that he was on the way and had gotten my voicemail. I called him back after I got out of the shower to check in on things. I asked where he was, and this is what I truly do not understand: He said that he had gone to the mall, but had only been able to find a space way out on the perimeter. He had been sitting in his car (Goddess only knows why!) and had gotten hot, so he had moved his car to a parking lot a mile away, on the other side of the freeway, and was just sitting there, waiting, in the shade!

I told him to get his butt back over to the mall and find parking, to check the other restaurant that I was interested in and get on the wait list there if the wait wasn't too long, but first to call the steak place and move the reservation later (as a backup) since it was already past time for our reservations. This is all stuff that he should have already been in place for and able to do. He said he didn't know the number for the steak place, so, a bit exasperated,  I said fine - that I would handle it. Sitting there in my towel, I used my smartphone to look up the number and called to move the reservation. Later, over dinner, he mentioned having a smartphone with the same OS as mine, so he could have called just as easily as I did, and not wasted my time while I was trying to get dressed. As one of my better boys said when I told him about this, even if you don't have a smartphone, use 411. "That's what phones are for!"

I quickly finished getting dressed and went over to meet him for dinner. Parking took some patience, but I was able to find a space on the same side of the plaza as the restaurants and closer than expected.

Just as I was parking, he called me and said, "We have a problem." I asked what was wrong. He said that there was some sort of performance going on on the plaza (it was just some local bands playing) and, that he couldn't find any parking! I told him I had literally just parked close to the restaurants, and that he just needed to be patient with it. I walked by valet parking as I approached the restaurants, so asked the attendant if it was available and how much it was, and then I called and told him that it was there if he needed it. Next, I went by and checked on both restaurants - getting on the waiting list, with a beeper, for the second one, and took a seat on the plaza just outside of it to listen to the music and wait on him.

Now, I ask you what is wrong with this picture?


After this happened, I asked several boys to make sure that I wasn't expecting too much:

• They all agreed that for any date, whether with a Mistress or not, they would have parked close by and would have gone to the restaurant to check on things.
• Some of them would have also offered to pay for the valet parking for me if I needed it, assuming that they saw it or knew that it was there. 
• They all would have found a way to contact the restaurant to change the reservation and would have found the number to call on their own, either by searching from their phone or by calling information. (If he wasn't sure about the exact restaurant name or street address, he could have easily asked me, and I expected him to do so if he needed more information on either restaurant.)   

Most of all, they agreed that it was their place to make things easier for me, and that they would have done the best to take care of things while they were waiting on me. And that they would have done their damnedest to make sure that I was not stuck waiting on them. 

The main issue that I see here is a lack of initiative on the part of the potential sub. If you are applying to be a personal service submissive, you should be thinking ahead and suggesting or doing things to make your Mistresses' life easier. Instead, he sat there and did nothing, which, by default, put it on me to take care of things. To make matters worse, he wasted my time by actively moving away from things rather than moving forward to handle them.

Also, sometimes I am also too nice. In retrospect, I should have made him call and handle the reservations, both beforehand and when moving the time. 

Obviously, I have not seen this boy again, and don't have any plans to do so. 

Tonight's fireworks plans were rained out so I decided to start scanning the covers of my old collection of fetish and kink magazines, which my publisher is going to list for sale for me. In the middle of them, I found an 1996 issue of DDI (Domination Directory International) magazine filled with Post-it Note's from my very first Male Service sub and assistant, "D".

This article was marked as one to be shared with potential subs. While it was written for those seeing Pro Dommes in-person, much of it is applicable across the board, and so I thought that I would post it here.

If you have problems viewing these pages here, try: http://mistressmagick.tumblr.com/post/7250807221/how-to-impress-a-dominant-woman-2-parts-from-a

Do you prefer having a slave do tease and denial or use them more as sub (pain, etc.) or both?

Actually, being a sub doesn't have to have anything to do with receiving pain, and many of those so-called "subs" are actually S&M bottoms. Submission has to do with submitting to my desires, and in that sense, I tend to prefer subs who are focused on my service and pleasure.

I do consider myself a sensualist rather than a sadist, so I tend to go for the tease and denial.

However... I have been told that I am more of a sadist than I admit to. I will admit that I have a bit of an evil streak, and that it sometimes includes see exactly how much a boy can take. Where is that line? Hmmmm... let's see...

Ask me something worthy of a response. *Adults Only*

Serve, Service, Servitude? (Guest Essay by Ms Lyn)

The below essay is reprinted with permission from Ms Lyn. I believe it should be read and carefully considered by every aspiring submissive, or anyone else who is presenting themself as having a desire to serve.

* * *

What do you mean when you offer to serve?

What do you mean when you offer to be of service?

What do mean when you offer yourself in servitude?

Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of you being bound helplessly while being exquisitely tortured, teased to the verge of orgasm?

Do you envision some Amazon Goddess sporting a huge strap-on taking you anally?

Do you envision yourself prancing around in some French Maid Costume and being asked to provide oral service to a Mistress?

Do you envision some woman squatting over your helplessly bound body "forcing" you to serve her orally?

Do you envision being put over her knee and spanked like a naughty little boy?

Yes, nice visions aren't they? However, not one of those visions is the definition of "serve", "service" or "servitude". Oh, I'm sure you consider them to be just that, but if you check your dictionaries you won't find any mention of French Maid Costumes or bondage or strap-ons or oral sex or any other fetish you may enjoy.

In fact you won't find any mention of fetishes at all in the definitions.

Serve is defined as:

1. to work for, be a servant;
2. to act in a specific capacity;
3. to place food before, wait on;
4. to be of assistance to.

Service is defined as:

1. the occupation or duties of a servant;
2. the act or means of serving;
3. duties performed as an occupation.

Servitude is defined as:

        Submission to a master; slavery.

When you offer to serve a FemDom, what you are offering (or should be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know her well enough to trust her with your life. When you offer your servitude to her, you are telling her that you trust her judgment, you trust her to keep you safe from harm, you trust her to know what is best for both of you, you trust her decisions and desire to follow her orders and obey her in all things. Your offer of service is your ability to let go of your ego and your free will (control) and allow her to control you.

Serving is, first and foremost, the act of making her life easier. It is compliance with all her desires, wishes, and orders. Yes, BD/SM and fetish play more than likely will be included as part of the relationship. But overall, the D/s aspect of the relationship will be where you have turned your control over to her and do as she says. It is about pampering her and catering to her.

Everyday life will be part of this, for most people do have to work, bills do have to be paid, people need to see doctors occasionally, and dentists. Then there are family get togethers, family emergencies, social gatherings with vanilla friends and also with D/s friends. For the most part, life will seem pretty vanilla, but there will be one difference. IF you have truly submitted, then your actions will be measured by how your Mistress would feel about it. Your decisions will be based upon what you are allowed or not allowed to decide without her permission. You will treat others with respect, but especially other women. You will consider that your actions would reflect back upon your Mistress and therefore act in a manner that would make her proud of you. There may be other constant reminders; she may insist you wear panties under your clothes at work. But you will always remember that you have submitted to her and will honor that commitment.

How can you serve your Mistress - what are the ways? Here are some suggestions:

• Make sure her home is clean and neat.
• Make sure her clothes are clean and neat.
• Prepare her favorite foods for her.
• Prepare her bath.
• Rub her feet after she comes in from working all day.
• Offer her a massage if her day was very stressful.
• Offer to do her manicure and pedicure.
• Have her favorite music playing or find her favorite show or movie on TV.
• Surprise her with flowers.
• Serve her coffee as soon as she gets up in the morning.
• Ask what clothing she wants laid out for her.

These are just a few of the ways you can serve her once you have been trained in what she wants and likes. Don't be afraid to use your imagination to surprise her (provided of course that she has no problem with you doing this occasionally).

A happy, contented, pleased, relaxed woman is a woman who will then have no problem torturing you, using you, or even indulging you with a fetish or two that are your favorites…………just to show you how much she really appreciates your service and submission to her.

So, what are you offering?

 1) Personal service only (oral, massage, bathing)?
 2) Play sessions only (spankings, facesitting, strap-on, whippings, cbt)?

 3) Domestic service only (household chores, errands)?
 4) OR are you offering her the whole package?

These are the things you need to be clear about in your own mind first and foremost before approaching a Mistress and offering to "serve" her.

 * * *

Reprint only with the permission of Mslyn: mslynnyc@yahoo.com

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Pseudo-Subs: Fantasy Wankers

"Mistress, I'm only here to please you. Will you do x to me?"

"Yes, Mistress, but will you do x with z and then do k?"

"Mistress, but, will you do x, y, z, k & c to me? I am only here to please you."

Top sign that you might be a Fantasy Wanker:
Do you keep changing the conversation or redirecting it back to your own desires/fantasies?

Real Submissives focus on their Mistress' desires, revealing theirs as she is interested in hearing them. It is her job to weave them into their play in ways that they can both enjoy.

Fantasy Wankers focus on their own desires, but think that their dreams should automatically be a "service" to a Mistress, because it is in their fantasy. In reality, She may have no interest in that activity whatsoever. These are often the guys who should go to Pros, in that they are expecting a service: to have their fantasy acted out exactly as they desire.

Many Fetishists can fall into this category, in that they need their fetish to be done in a very exact way in order for them to enjoy it. Even though they may be very sincere, they aren't actually submissives because they aren't submitting to the desires and service of their Dom/mes.

That being said, sometimes I do enjoy that type of Fetishist if they are respectful, and if I share their kink, such as foot worship, crossdressing or certain types of role playing. However, they do have to be flexible enough for me to enjoy playing with them, and respect the value of my time. I can really get into and enjoy planning a fantasy and experiencing their reaction to it, however I am still performing a service for them, rather than having them serve me, as I might desire something completely different that day. As such, I do expect them to tribute for my time and attention, especially since they are not able to give the level of service and devotion seen in a true D/s relationship.