"50 Shaders Trounced At BDSM Club" And Some Advice For The Curious

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Review: The PULSE from HotOctopuss

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"Blue Balls are the New Black: Edging 101"

I'm honored to have been interviewed for, and quoted in, this great new article on Edging by Hannah Miet (@hannahmiet):

      http://www.vocativ.com/08-2013/blue-balls-are-the-new-black-edging-101/

Here are a couple of quick links for the readers who found their way here from vocativ.com:
Welcome!

- My Male-Service.com Blog Posts on Edging (including the Rules for a couple of Edging Games):
      http://www.male-service.com/search/label/edging

- InHerService.com Written Assignment Reports from some of my boys and gurls referring to Edging:
      http://www.inherservice.com/search/label/edging

A lot of the assignments also include crossdressing, written punishments and other kink. Scroll down on the page for some of the reports from the more intense Edging Games.

- The published version of my Beltane Assignment specifically includes Edging, along with Penis Decoration, which is why it is referenced in certain posts. Here are some of the assignment reports:
    http://www.inherservice.com/search/label/Beltane

I am very happy that she choose to quote my beliefs and philosophy behind Cock Control and my use of Edging instead of just focusing on the kinky stuff. For your reading pleasure, here is more of what I sent her in the email interview:

Q: In your perspective, what is the ultimate goal of edging?

A:  There are several different possible goals for edging, but ultimately I think they all come down to better utilizing sexual energy and heightening sensual and sexual pleasure. 

Edging is a way of training a man find his own "point of no return" (which is actually more like a cliff) and then learn to ride, or at least repeated get close to, the edge of it without going over. In doing so, he gains more control over his own body, and becomes a better lover, both for himself and for his partner(s). Edging while masturbating alone can help him focus on learning to listen to his body's messages telling him when he is getting close and needs to slow down without all the other input of being with another person. Then it can be translated into his lovemaking with a partner. In addition, it steps up his own masturbation sessions from a mundane routine to a deeply intense experience, simply by taking the time to really experience his own reactions and really feel them, edging several times, with or without a release.

I  have studied Tantric, Taoist and Magickal sexual beliefs and practices, and agree that a man usually loses energy (basically chi) when he comes. As a dominant woman, I also believe that a man's penis and his orgasm are ultimately for the pleasure of his partner, and they should be devoted to her (or him) whenever possible, whether physically, energetically or both. Too many men get into the routine habit of a few yanks and they are done. Likewise, they do this without any meaning or value. They waste tons of energy that could be put into deepening their own sexual experiences, pleasuring their partner(s), building a deeper relationship, helping around the house or even doing better in their careers. Edging builds this energy before releasing it, deepening the sexual experience and/or allowing it to be better channeled toward their partner or themselves. 

When I am playing with any long distance boy, I start training him to ingest his own cum, which is a way of reabsorbing the physical aspect of this energy rather than wasting it. Likewise, I have boys learn to thank me for their orgasms, and those who become mine may even say a special mantra devoting themselves to me as they masturbate, thereby sending me their unused energy, and building our connection. A lot of men don't realize that when they fantasize about someone or something when they cum, that that is where they are sending their energy. I do feel that energy does need to be allowed to flow and that orgasms are important for physical, mental and spiritual health, however, I believe in valuing them by waiting until a time when you can intentionally share or devote them with meaning to someone or something that is important to you. Therefore, I believe in short term chastity of days or weeks, but not long term chastity of many months or years. Edging is a way of building the energy, rather than letting it stagnate, until the right time.

Q: Can you tell me a little bit about #chastitystatus?

A: #ChastityStatus is a Twitter hashtag for males to use in reporting how many days they have gone without having an orgasm. Whether they touch or not, edge or not, have other sexual experiences or not, is up to them or their owner/partner/lover/Mistress/Master. They do not have to be locked in a chastity device, but many of those who tweet do wear devices. It is a method of support for those who are trying to save their sexual energy until an appropriate time for release, and it is a way for the male and/or his owner/partner/ lover/Mistress/Master to easily track his status.  Day 0 is the day that the orgasm occurs. Day 1 is the next day, and so on. 

Q: Can you explain how you use edging with "online only" boys and girls?

A: I use edging to teach my boys control, to heighten their own sexual experiences, as well as my own, and to exert my long-distance control over them. As a Domme, I love doing something and watching, hearing or reading about the reaction that I have caused. Knowing that I make a man hard shows my effect on him, knowing that he is yearning to touch but isn't because of he is not allowed shows my control, and having him stop so close, without doing the one thing every impulse in his body wants to do, shows the depth of it. Contrary to what some might imagine based on cultural pre-conceptions, I am a sensualist, not a sadist, and the edges that I like to push are with intensity and control, not pain. 

(Everyone that I play with is genetically male, primarily because I myself am straight. I do love the contrast of dressing up a hard man in softly, feminine lingerie, and delight in pantyboys. With my CD/TV/TS sisters, the closer they are to transformation, the more the play becomes less sexual and more about pretty clothes, makeup and cuddling. Often the gurls don't edge, unless it is by rubbing through panties or against pillows, because taking a cock in hand is such a masculine experience.)  

I practice something that I call Cock Control with my boys and gurls. This means not only controlling whether, when and how they can engage in any gratuitous touching (including when and how many times/for how long they are allowed to edge), and when they can cum, but also having them wear cock rings, chastity devices and/or panties for my pleasure, whether it be in the visual presentation or in the shared secret that they are wearing them for me. 

"Dick Heads" in Chastity

I love chastity training and play, but I get tired of boys and gurls who use pics of themselves in their chastity devices as their user icon. If I can see your dick and/or balls, these are still cock shots, and I honestly don't want to see it unless/until I am considering whether I want to make it Mine. And showing it to me first thing will ensure that it will never be! This kind of pic is all about your ego and your needs, and doesn't show any desire to get to know me or what I like. We tell you guys again and again that you should never send pics like this unsolicited, and that includes not making them your user icon.

You should also not push them on a Domme when you are asking Her to take you back, which is what a sub recently did to me, supposedly to show me his new device. In response, I tweeted:

“boys – pics of your device while you’re wearing it are still cock shots. Have some class: use/send a pic of just your device.”

The following twitter exchange inspired this great blog post by Tom Allen, which you should all read:
http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2013/01/26/dick-heads/

What the sub should have done was send me a link to the device on the manufacturer's website, but only after I actually requested it. If it's a custom device, then he could also send me a pic of the device when he wasn't wearing it. Next time you have your device off for cleaning, arrange it nicely on something and take a photo. Simple. This also makes a great user pic for chastity sites such as this one (also including a pair of his panties) which I approved for use by Simple Twist:

You can also see it on his profile here:
http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/members/simpletwistfate.29140/

I also think poor locked has an ingenious user icon (showing a champagne cork held in place by it's wire cage), but duplicating him is not the idea.

I do appreciate boys who at least try to be more tasteful. @carumbad uses a photo of himself in a chrome-finish CB device which is taken close up/cropped to show his numbered lock. The device is opaque, which helps a lot, and I imagine this was a pic for his keyholder showing the number on his lock. It is much better than others, although it still shows more of the balls than I like to see in a user icon. An idea to correct this might be to take a pic while wearing panties or sexy briefs on and holding them down in front just far enough to show the lock. Any other ideas?

Chat with Me on Ingenio

Do you want to talk to someone about D/s, female-led relationships, male submission, being a sissy, crossdressing, chastity or another kink?

Are you trying to find a way to tell your girlfriend or wife about your interests?

Maybe She has questions?

Or maybe you just need to talk to a strong, caring woman who understands and has experience with a boy or gurl like you?


Don't want to have to call a phone sex site to do it? That's okay, I'm not sure if I want to be listed on one!

I set up the Niteflirt account years ago, but I primarily use it for calls with boys who had already been emailing/tweeting with me, and to send written assignments, like those that I have for puppies. I've rarely just logged in as available because I'm not interested in being used by 1 minute wankers.

I want boys and gurls who really want to talk to me so that I can get to know them and vice versa. After all, the more I understand you, the more I am able to get inside your head and find the places that we both enjoy!

Recently, I have had some great calls from a couple different crossdressers and sissies on Niteflirt, who I'm growing closer to with every call. (And, yes, that is "the pantyboy" in the picture - dressed in lingerie that I bought him!) So I've been making myself a bit more available there. However, if you are interested in talking to me, especially when I'm offline, it's best to email me first to see if I'm around for a call (ForMistressMagick *at* yahoo *dot* com), because I might be interested in talking to you, but not in the mood to be available for just anyone who calls.

Niteflirt used to have a system by which a caller could ask to schedule an appointment, which gave me a lot more control over who and when I spoke to callers. I also know that many of you would like to call me just to talk - for advice and support. And some of you would like to have someone that your wife or girlfriend could talk to.

So I've set up a listing on another site, Ingenio, that allows scheduled appointments and even Instant Messages. This is an advice site where you can talk to doctors, lawyers, mechanics, plumbers, etc. It is not an Adult site. In fact, if some guy calls me there and is obviously a wanker, I have to tell him that it isn't that kind of site, or I could be kicked off the site myself. It has a lot more features, and I'm more likely to be logging in there. I can even set it to let me know if someone wants to talk with me and find out how long you can wait so that I can log in while I'm working on other things and take the call after I am finished. It's so much more civilized! And the way that a real Domme should be treated.

Use the buttons below to IM or me via Ingenio. If you are new to the site, you will get free minutes and I'll get a bonus for referring you. I'll also give you more free minutes as a thank you for helping me test it out.

Since I'm just getting started there and don't have any feedback yet, I've set the per minute rate really low so it's the perfect time to call - especially if you've always wanted to hear my voice. :-)


            

Remember: this is an advice site, NOT a PSO Site, so behave yourself!

If we are talking and you moaning and breathing heavy, want me to describe my feet, share a fantasy or tell you what to wear, you need to ask permission to call me on Niteflirt instead. Understood?

Keira Knightley Portrays a Beautiful, Strong, Intelligent Masochist in "A Dangerous Method"

Ever since I saw a preview of A Dangerous Method in my favorite local independent movie theater, I've wanted to see it. I finally rented it from Redbox - yes, Redbox!, and it was well worth the wait - and a couple extra nights rental. It's not a kink movie, but if you are interested in psychology, sex, love, relationships and kink, it puts them all together into a very interesting package.

Directed by David Cronenberg and based on both the book, A Most Dangerous Method, and the play, The Talking Cure, it is just as much about Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley), one of the first female psychoanalysts, as it is about Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender) and Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen), and their relationships with each other.

Sabina is portrayed as a masochist who gets extremely turned on by humilation, as well as on being spanked, strapped, etc. A strong, intelligent woman and an aspiring doctor, she is quite literally "all twisted up" when we meet her. Jung is first her doctor, then her mentor and finally her lover. The intimate scenes between them are as beautiful and sensual as they are kinky, and she is far from submissive... if anything, he is servicing her.

I must admit that I'm still wondering if those are really her perky, little nipples peeking out from her corset. ;-)

I've included the kinkier and more sexual international version of the trailer below for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Foot Worship

Receiving foot worship is one of my all-time favorite kink activities. I love having my feet rubbed, and having my toes sucked for hours by a boy who really gets into it gets me going like nothing else.

However, I do think that real foot worship can only be done in person. It's like giving a massage: a cyber massage is nice, but it's still not a real massage.

And, while foot baths* and vibrating slippers can be wonderful, I've never found one that comes close to the pleasure of having a boy at my feet massaging and sucking. And, obviously, an online pedicure isn't something that I can show off by wearing sexy sandals.

That being said, I do understand that there are fetishist who enjoy looking at my feet, and reading about them for their own pleasure. (Please do not delude yourself into thinking that imaging my feet as you pleasure yourself is at all submissive, or is any sort of service to me, because it is not!) These are the fetishists for which I post pics for sale because this is a service that I am providing to them, and not the other way around.

And, yes, when they are respectful and somewhat submissive, I sometimes do really enjoy talking to a foot boy, and describing my feet for him via a service such as Niteflirt. However, I do want to hear your voice - your breath - your moans - so that I can really hear my power over you via the effect that my words and pics are having on you. Hearing that, as you call me Mistress, can, and does, make me hot. ;-)

*Mmm.. I could use a new heated, massaging foot bath. Mine broke some time ago, and I haven't replaced it. That is one way that a foot boy can pamper me from afar, and one like this would make a nice gift, perhaps even a holiday present:
http://www.amazon.com/Conair-FB51-Massaging-Footbath-Purple/dp/B000LQHTUM

Another obvious way is to treat me to a pedicure. I always feel pampered as I watch the girl rubbing my feet and doing my toe nails, knowing that a boy is having them done for my pleasure. ;-) I am also happy to take pics and love showing off my pretty toesies in return.

Picture: "Yin Yang Footrubs" taken my Mistress Magick at Saturday night's foot party.
Yes, that is my foot! ;-)

Definition of a "Pro-Domme"

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Kink Academy

Kink Academy is looking for a few good bloggers, and I hope to be one of them.

As many of you know, I have taken classes through Power Play Academy and I regularly attend their monthly FemDom CHAT, hosted by friends of mine. I see the two websites as being complementary resources in that they each serve a different need but can easily be used together for a more complete approach.

Power Play Academy has web-based classes with real-time interaction, where you can chat, ask questions, etc., while watching slides and/or cam demos. Classes may meet only once or on a specified schedule over a couple weeks or a month, and those that meet regularly may have homework for completion between sessions. Like a more traditional classroom setting, it has the advantage of allowing for interaction between participants, but it also requires waiting for the next class "semester" to begin and, of course, the student has to be available according to the class schedule. Payment is by class, and some monthly discussions are offered for free.

In contrast, Kink Academy has an on-demand approach, with a large selection of educational videos which are available 24/7. You can view a suggested curriculum, get suggestions by experience level, subject, toy or faculty member, or simply search for a keyword. Payment is by month, and some videos are offered for free. There are also discounts for paying for three months or a year at one time.

I greatly enjoy the interaction and community support that Power Play Academy offers, but I love the idea of having 24/7 access to all the how-to videos at Kink Academy. I've been in and out of the scene since 1995, and while I am an expert in some areas, I would consider myself at the intermediate level for many of the Kink Academy topics. The reason is that I tend to be a sensual, service-oriented Domme, and it's honestly been a long time since I've tied a karada or flogged someone. There are quite a few areas where I have attended in-person classes over the years, and know the basics, but I don't practice the techniques on a regular basis. So, while I do feel confident, but rusty, in much of the basic knowledge that is offered on the site, I also know that I don't know all the tricks... and, well, having a skill and safety refresher course is always a good place to begin when it's been a while.

There are also many areas where it is a lot easier to learn from watching a video than from a book, or it is difficult to find someone locally who has the same level of expertise as the presenters here. There are activities that I've only watched (cupping, needle play), and others that I know well (foot fetishes, puppy play), but where I always welcome new ideas and angles. The more that I look at the site, the more I realize how diverse the information is, covering relationships and sexual health as well as kink.. and all with a focus on safety and skill building rather than on titillation. There is so much here to watch that a newbie could easily get overwhelmed, and I'm starting to understand why specific curriculum suggestions are available to help new students find their way. Kink Academy is easily worth the cost of admission, and I do want to thank my darling jezi-girl for tributing mine. I plan to make good use of it whether I get the position or not.

Thanks for the Quote!

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Pseudo-Subs: Fantasy Wankers

"Mistress, I'm only here to please you. Will you do x to me?"

"Yes, Mistress, but will you do x with z and then do k?"

"Mistress, but, will you do x, y, z, k & c to me? I am only here to please you."

Top sign that you might be a Fantasy Wanker:
Do you keep changing the conversation or redirecting it back to your own desires/fantasies?

Real Submissives focus on their Mistress' desires, revealing theirs as she is interested in hearing them. It is her job to weave them into their play in ways that they can both enjoy.

Fantasy Wankers focus on their own desires, but think that their dreams should automatically be a "service" to a Mistress, because it is in their fantasy. In reality, She may have no interest in that activity whatsoever. These are often the guys who should go to Pros, in that they are expecting a service: to have their fantasy acted out exactly as they desire.

Many Fetishists can fall into this category, in that they need their fetish to be done in a very exact way in order for them to enjoy it. Even though they may be very sincere, they aren't actually submissives because they aren't submitting to the desires and service of their Dom/mes.

That being said, sometimes I do enjoy that type of Fetishist if they are respectful, and if I share their kink, such as foot worship, crossdressing or certain types of role playing. However, they do have to be flexible enough for me to enjoy playing with them, and respect the value of my time. I can really get into and enjoy planning a fantasy and experiencing their reaction to it, however I am still performing a service for them, rather than having them serve me, as I might desire something completely different that day. As such, I do expect them to tribute for my time and attention, especially since they are not able to give the level of service and devotion seen in a true D/s relationship.