When I first learned about edging, it was in the context of a boy who was supposed to be practicing voluntary chastity for me. When I said "you're not allowed to cum unless I give you permission to do so", I didn't expect that he would be cheating by playing with himself up to the edge multiple times a day.. or even multiple times an hour! I felt like my control had been taken away, and that while he was following the letter of what I said, it was NOT what I meant, and he was NOT behaving as intended and required.
Since then, I've learned to be more clear about saying not to masturbate at all, and to specify that when I say "behave" that means not touching yourself (except as required to pee, get dressed, shower (NOT like that) and the other non-sexual necessities of life). Period.
After learning about edging, I talked to some other subs and found it to be a far more common practice that I had thought. I understood the pleasure of staying on the edge for a while, but getting the pleasure without permission still seemed like cheating. And I certainly did not understand why they thought going off to play with themself was a way to serve a Mistress. Doubly so if I didn't know about it.
When I'm teasing them, and not allowing them to cum, that is my pleasure, and is an expression of my control. I enjoy watching their reactions, knowing that I am causing it, and yet that they are refraining because of their respect for me and my power over them. But I felt that this was just the opposite, taking all my control away from me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is actually all about control: the sub's self control. While having good control is important in learning to satisfy a Mistress, the way this control was expressed to me was often all about the sub's ego. A lot of what I heard from some subs regarding their ability to control themselves in edging sounded very egotisical, and was actually more about proving it to themselves than anything having to do with me and my pleasure. And that bothered me.
It reminds me of the sub who doesn't do something that I ask him to do because he thinks that is how he should serve me even though I have ordered him to do it. He takes away my control by following of his own ideas about service, rather than actually listening to my orders, following them and thereby truely serving me. He's NOT serving me; he is serving himself and his fantasies.
That being said, I recently decided to revisit the idea of edging, and to try playing with a bit. I ordered my new long distance sub to edge throughout his day, in conjuction with a cyber-fantasy that we were sharing. It was all real time, with reports after each session, and generally woven in with the progression of the story. And it was a-maz-ing!
It was perfect, in that he he was doing it on my order, and returning sensuously detailed reports back to me regarding what he did, where he did it, what he imagined while doing it, etc. I was at work, and it also felt only right that if he were doing things to drive me to distraction and completely drench my panties, that he get a proper taste of it himself, and he certainly did. He made sure that I really felt his reactions via his writing, and it made all the difference in the world! Not to mention the power of knowing that he was going into a restroom or empty conference room and risking getting caught because I required it of him. Now, THAT's hot! (Hot enough make me want to do the same!)
I'm not likely to make a practice of assigning edging for my subs to do on their own (although I do think it would make a nice addition to my book on chastity and CBT). However, when it is interactive like that, it can definitely be a lot of fun, and a true confirmation of my power. I loved it and I am very thankful to the wonderful boy who has been helping me explore it. :-) I have a feeling that he would love to do it again... but only when I say so.
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